Seems like this week is big decision week - or rather big action week. First off, put the house on the market. That was a little frightening and exciting all at the same time. It was a decision I had to make on my own. Now, I know I'm not some simpering girl who can't do anything by herself, needs a man for validation, etc, etc...
BUT I do miss being married. I do miss having someone to talk to, share stuff with - both the good and the bad. I do miss having someone to bounce the decisions around with and come up with "the best solution for us right now". But alas, I am out here in the wind, so while I did bounce some thoughts off friends and family, received some good advice and some helpful words of caution, in the end, the decision came down to me. What am I willing to deal with? Do? Cope with? Experiment with? How am I prepared to live?
And then I started swim lessons. Why? In part because I've been reading all these blogs, but in truth because I know as I get older I need something that will allow my body to recover and exercise more gently. I need some relief in my knees and my hips and my feet. And if I'm going to swim, then by god, I want to learn how to do it right. So I'm swimming. And absolutely loving it.
Yesterday was another big action day for me and the beginnings of another big decision. Yesterday I called a cemetery. I know, there could be lots of jokes there, but people really do work there and even occassionally answer the phone. And for the most part, they're really nice. Anyway, I called to find out about plots and headstones and options. You see, it's coming up on the five year anniversary of Dennis' death and I still haven't done anything about a headstone or any kind of remembrance. I have wanted to, but I've just never been ready to deal with it, to face it - and to face his family. Plus it's a long distance thing. He should be remembered in California where his family is and where we lived. I now live on the other side of the country. So now, I have to decide what to say.
What do you say in a limited space about a person that was your entire world? What do you say that will literally be carved in stone for all the world to see that will speak to many different people about this one fabulous person that we all had in common? What do you say?