Saturday, August 30, 2008

Challenges and uncertainty

It seems life has been full of these lately. I'm not sure why, but I haven't been completely stressed out or depressed... not that I'm complaining!

First it was the puppy. He's easy to worry about because I care so much, but it's also relatively easy to make decisions where he is concerned. What's best for him? Okay, then that's what we'll do.

Then the job. Still so much uncertainty there. Because of the big merger, no one knows who long they will remain employed, where they might have to go to do it, what they might be doing when it's all said and done and who the boss will be. It's a bit frustrating. More than that I've been bored and unchallenged in my job for about a year. On the outside, my job might seem ideal to some, but from where I sit, I need something new, something more exciting, something that makes me feel like I'm contributint to something... oh, and I'd like to be able to pay the bills, eat, have fun and go on vacation once in a while... Asking too much? I've heard of people who love their jobs. I've even met a few, but I have to say it completely baffles me. I'm constantly trying to figure out what the heck it is I'm meant to be doing - because one thing I know for sure... this isn't it.

Tied into the job bit because well, it takes money to own a house, is the house bit. The bit where I put the house on the market in anticipation of having to move for one reason or another. Don't know where I would move just yet. Don't know when I would move just yet. Haven't had any offers on the house just yet.... Uncertainty. Should I start that class that sounds interesting? Sign up for boxing at the gym? Try to meet new people when I know I might be leaving soon? What I do know is this: I can't completely put my life on hold so I'll sign up for that boxing class cause it sounds like so much fun and if the opportunity arises to meet new people - that's great. I have friends all over the globe. It's okay to add a few more even if they do become long distance friends like so many of the rest.

And then there's the new challenge, the new uncertainty in life. This one should be freaking me out completely. It's not. I'm surprisingly almost serene about the whole thing at the moment. I had an MRI done the other day and when I went to the doctor to get the results the first thing she said was I'm glad we had the MRI. The next thing she said was I want to send you to a neurologist because there is according to the radiologist an indication of possible dyemelinating disease. What's that now? Neurologist? That's never good. And what the heck is a dyemelinating disease? Well, she said, that's like MS or ALS. Oh, just that. Okay, no problem. Because she said it like it was no big deal. Are you kidding me? So in the meantime, I wait for the neurologist to call to set up an appointment. And I've decided that there truly isn't any reason to worry.... yet. It truly could be nothing still. I don't know. I don't have all the facts and until I do, I'm just not going to worry about it. I feel fine so I am fine. So there!

Uncertainty and challenges. Everyone has these things in their life. It's all about what we do with what we know and what we have. It's all about how we act and react to the "events" in our lives. This is what defines us and what makes life worth living. Honestly, I truly believe I've already lived through the hardest thing a person could be asked to live through... so bring it on! This too will pass. And really, it could be nothing. It might not. I'll deal with the answer to that uncertainty when the answer actually comes. Until then, I have other things to worry about... like what's for lunch :)

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