The reason I have a coach

Well, after being all down on myself cause I missed my goal by a few minutes in crappy conditions, I emailed my coach and she brought me a big dose of reality. It was nice to know "hear" that I had done some things right and she had me do a good exercise to get my mind in the right place - five things I did well in the race. It helps to remember the positives.... the good things.... and to put things into perspective.

So... what am I waiting for? Today is my day. This is my golden opportunity. I will give it all I've got. Leave it all out on the course and answer the challenge.

Game on!

When do reasons become excuses?

I could say I'm satisfied with my time - there were MANY hills. The wind was 20 mph with 35 mph gusts. It was 45 degrees (okay that part was great!). But I'm not satisfied. I know in my heart that I gave up on myself. I didn't leave it all out there. I wussed out. I had a chance to hang with the boys and get it done, to meet my goal or even exceed it, but I didn't ... I quit. At one point I not only quit the race, I quit running - as in I started walking, but beyond that I QUIT. I was ready to throw in the towel, call it a day, call it a "career", call it whatever you will. Then the math beat me too, because when I decided I was ready to put my big girl pants back on and start running again, I decided I had already lost, there was no hope of meeting my time goal today, I would just shuffle along and give in.. or give up... whatever. I know it was a tough course and I know conditions weren't ideal, but when are they ever? I KNOW in my heart of hearts, my mind is what defeated me today, not the weather, not the hills, not even my legs... MY MIND. So where do I go from here?

Do I allow these excuses to get me down? Do I allow myself to wallow? Maybe a little. I'm giving myself today dear friends, to wallow in my defeat. Tomorrow, I will look for inspiration again and hope that it will come. I don't really WANT to quit. I'm NOT a quitter. But I need to dig deep and find some inspiration somewhere along the trail in a hurry. Having time goals really SUCKS. I was happy just crossing the finish line last year, happy to feel good at the end of a race, still on my feet, having accomplished that task. Having bigger goals means having bigger defeats, taking bigger risks, putting yourself out there.

Pretty soon people are going to ask who the crazy lady is who talks to herself all the time - "pull yourself up", "get moving", "You can do this", '"HTFU!"

Looking for inspiration

Got that race in the morning. No sleep tonight. I've been antsy all day... and I'm tired, but I WANT it. I want it so bad I can taste it. Now, can I do it???
So I'm looking for inspiration, trolling the internet and the blog world and I found this quote:
"It's not whether or not it hurts, it's whether or not you mind" Ahhh... that was what I was looking for. I KNOW it's going to hurt. I have to accept that, breathe through it, let go and move on to the next moment. I'm ready to puke at the end of that race tomorrow.

My pledge

After a week of business travel that included little sleep and bad eating... can I come back and meet or exceed my goals for the half? I struggled through my workouts all week - on treadmills and crappy exercise bikes. I slept little, but had fun. And I paid. I paid on my tempo run done after sitting on an airplane off and on for 12 hours. And then I slept. What is it about sleeping in your own bed, Advil PM in the system, and no dog to wake you for a morning walk? It was bliss! Slept 10 hours.

Now I've made up some time on my recovery run, done a few stretches and had time to think and review my schedule for next week. I have to say, I'm a bit nervous about the half coming up on Saturday. Easy, steady, fast, FASTER.... can I do it? Can I hit my goal? Time will tell, but I know one thing for sure...this week I will NOT sabotage myself. I will eat right. I will sleep. I will do my prescribed workouts... and I make this pledge to myself: no matter what happens on Saturday, I will continue this "clean living" until the marathon. I will give myself every chance I can to meet and EXCEED my goals. I owe myself that much.

TIRED

whew.... so glad my long run is finished... and I made it without a single rain drop even though it is now threatening thunderstorms, tornados, and hail. Lovely! Sounds like a good time to make some coffee and cookies.

Now I was so excited about my race time the other day that I got ambitious. Ambition is generally a good thing, unless you are talking about a long zone 1/2 run with some zone 3 thrown in for fun.... I mapped out a new route cause I wanted some adventure and a softer surface, gravel and dirt. I thought 2:40, should do about 16 miles in that amount of time... so I went on line and mapped it out... hmmmm it says it's 17 miles.

Well, okay, what's one more mile after 16? I can do this. No problem. I'm figuring things in my head as I run. Tooling along, feeling pretty good for the first hour and a quarter or so. Hey, this feels good. Still in the zone. Nothing in my way. Finally get to the point where I can turn. At this point, I think I've gone about 11 miles, but I don't know for sure. I'm just going by feel. And I'm starting to feel it, starting to feel the uneven gravel surface that's tiring out my feet, starting to feel the headwind that I've turned into, starting to feel the HILLS that I didn't realize were so frequent.

When Mr. Garmin told me I had 10 minutes left in my planned workout, I thought, hmmm... this isn't quite right. Can't see the next road I'm supposed to turn on yet and there are a couple more turns after that. Not. Going. To. Make. It. At this point, I'm shuffling. Caring the ELF and all that cake she's so found of eating after a monster weekend of workouts.

So.. 2:40? Turns out I can only get 15.5 done in 2:40 today. And I still had one more downhill, one more uphill and a long straightaway, yes another 1.5 miles to go. So my workout was 3 hours. The last mile and a half truly pathetic pace, but I figured since that was bonus/extra time on the feet (the day before I'm supposed to somehow put them in high heels for a wedding), that I should probably get the old heart rate solidly into zone 1 and stay there.

I'm pooped! But I'm done. Yippeee

Ramblings

Looking forward to my LONG run tomorrow. No, really, I am in a sick, twisted way. It's supposed to rain or maybe thunder so I've got to figure out when to get it in between rain storms. Luckily I took tomorrow off just so I could run for 2:40. My longest run before the marathon - and it's still a month and a half away. Got a trip to Texas and a half marathon before that. I would be looking forward to running in Texas if I wasn't going for business and was going someplace where they actually had surfaces other than pavement, but alas... not the case.

I am looking forward to the half though. It's my first time at that distance and I'm hoping beyond hope to break 2 hours. that would be on pace for my marathon goal in May. I have a secret goal in mind that I'd really like to get to (especially after that awesome 10k the other day), but I'm going to keep it to myself for now. Whatever happens, it will be a PR :) Woo hoo!

I had a scary thought the other day. Well, maybe it was more exciting than scary. I thought for the first time in my running life... hmmmm.... maybe I could actually qualify for Boston in my new age group. Wow. It's suddenly, potentially, possibly, almost feasible... Big grin! And that's something I never even dared to dream.

Special Thanks

To my goofy little sister - for talking me down, encouraging me and getting up before the sun to go and cheer me on. I'm going to bring the pom poms next time!

And to my coach for showing me that I could do it, giving me the tools and the training plan to get there - even when I had doubts - and for keeping me honest working toward the BIG goal.

And to Ness and everyone else's blogs I've read that have filled me with inspiration. I know, I know, I'm getting sappy.... but I'm just so darn proud of myself today :)

Have a glorious day in blog-land, all.

Whew!

Holy crap! Omigod! And seriously??? I can't wrap my head around sub-9 minute pace for a 10k> I can't. And yet... and yet, I did it! I DID IT! This is a huge breakthrough for me. It was in my head. It was totally in my head. I kept telling myself at mile 4 and then throughout mile 5 - yes, the whole duration of mile 5, I am limitless. I can do this. I have trained for this. And when I wanted to stop and throw up, I didn't. And when I wanted to cry, well, I might have a little, but I kept going. And yes, I did walk after that bouncing bridge to get my legs back under me, but WHO puts a bouncing wooden bridge a mile from the finish of a 10K, I ask you??? I was huffing and pufffing and DYING.... but I did it. I have never had less left at the end of the race as I did at this one. I left nothing on the table... and yet.... I recovered quickly and easily. Ready to go.

Now it's time for some FOOD!

Sabotage

I'm stealing from Ness' blog because her words really touched a nerve with me. I am not a triathlete like the rest of you super human studs :) I am just a runner. Someone who doesn't have to deal with equipment failure, but daily deals with brain cramps and limitations I set upon myself.

So here's what Ness said that I just MUST incorporate into my life, my though process on the run, my race coming up tomorrow.

"I am absolutely done with creating false limits for myself on the run. No more sabotage. No more excuses. Time to face up to my fears and see what happens.
Well, if you are in the mood for an expansive and freeing experience, I highly recommend considering the possibility that you are a limitless being who is capable of achieving whatever you set your mind to. ... I was trying to entertain the belief that I am capable of running fast; That the only limits on my performance today would be those I imposed on myself."

So I'm going to internalize her mantra and see what I can do for myself. Wrap my mind around the fact that I CAN go fast. That I've gone faster at distance this year than I ever have before... That I have no limits. That I will NOT sabotage myself either with nutrition or missed training or ugly thoughts. I WILL be limitless tomorrow.

I'm scared

There, I said it right out loud in front of the three of you who read this :) Silly, I know, but it's true. I have a 10k coming up this weekend and I'm scared. Afraid of a little running... at a distance I've run before and actually love. Afraid of pushing my limits... Afraid of not meeting my goal. Afraid of meeting my goal... Afraid of a little pain... it might hurt. Actually if I run the way the coach says I should, it WILL hurt. And I'm afraid.

I'm also afraid that perhaps, just maybe, I have faster paces inside me somewhere - and they've been hiding all along behind my fear. What happens if I go faster? Will it hurt more? Or (gasp) will I realize that I've been holding back all this time and missed out on something?

But that's living in the past and I've done enough of that. It's time to live in the present and strive for future success. It's time to appreciate the present moment for exactly what it is, accept it, learn from it, and continue to move forward. It's time to stop whining and start DOING!

So, as the saying goes... GAME ON!!!

snowpants and shorts

Ahhhh springtime in Michigan. This morning I took the dog for a walk wearing snowpants, boots, the works... I wasn't hot. At lunchtime I decided it was time to get my run in. I wore shorts. Ok, I admit I also wore gloves and my legs were a little chilly, but still the sun was out and it wasn't raining, snowing, sleeting, etc.... Lovely!

And for the record 5 miles in 47 minutes. Woo hoo! Getting ready for a 10k this weekend. Hoping to break 56 minutes. Holy cow! That's fast!

By the way, you can all stop looking for my running sunglasses. I found them... they had migrated to the back of that drawer where they live and successfully hidden themselves from view for that nice long run over the weekend. But they must have sensed my need... and alerted me to their presence through telepathy... :) The sun is going to my head... gotta get back to work.